Waking up in a cold sweat

I was excited to receive Cynthia Trenshaw’s author bio, photo and excerpt from her book which I had requested so I could start adding material to our new website. I uploaded her new photo, inserted shorter and longer versions of her biography into corresponding web pages, quickly scanned over the excerpt from her book and added it to the site. I didn’t read the excerpt carefully, but it clearly made a subconscious impact on me. I closed down my computer and went to bed. Then around 2:30 am, I awoke in a cold sweat.

I needed to read Cynthia’s Reciprocal Touch more carefully.

Holy moly, it was a well crafted! Exceptionally rich in imagery, it was subtle but had profound spiritual meaning. The high quality was staggering; the years that Cynthia has spent writing and rewriting her stories, the endless hours she has spent with writing coaches and the painful process of throwing away lesser quality writing has really paid off. I was deeply humbled.

So is my own writing gong to be any match for this? While my own current draft has a few nice paragraphs, a considerable amount is repetitive, impersonal and boring. My sheets are damp with perspiration. I have been lying awake for nearly an hour, so I decide I better get up and sit zazen to try to settle my mind.

I feel better and think, well, why am I in such a rush? Do I really need to stick to my arbitrary deadline of November 30th? If the quality I want to achieve is not there yet, maybe it would be a mistake to release the book prematurely. On the other hand, having a deadline is a good motivator to focus my energy. Maybe I should reset the publication date to sometime in February, say the 13th (a Wednesday). That way, my wife and I can have a relaxing Valentine’s Day dinner together and toast the release of the book.

I’ll wait to decide until after our next publishing meeting on the 15th of this month.